Recently I booked a plane ticket for an arrival date a few days earlier than I needed to be there.  Then I booked the wrong time on the plane ticket, because the cheapest flights are super late and highlighted at the top versus super early flights are at the bottom of the selection list.  And unfortunately, I needed to be there early.  But, I must say Frontier Airlines were awesome and change the flight time to an earlier flight and just charged the difference versus the difference and a $150 change fee.  At that point, I should have started to work out that there was a lesson in all this.  But, no I didn’t quite get it.  So to make sure I got the lesson, there was my race on Saturday. 

I trained diligently for the Heart Center of the Rockies Half Marathon.  It was to be my third half marathon this year.  But, here is where I missed the lesson.  The race had three start locations.  The half marathon was several miles away from the 10K and 5K.  I mistakenly drove to the 10K, because I just wasn’t paying attention to the instructions of where the half marathon started.  By the time I worked it out, it was too late to get back to the start of the half marathon.  

The bottom line is that with all that has been going on, I just wasn’t Present.  So, to say I was tremendously disappointed is an understatement.  On Saturday morning, I was inconsolable.  I finally stopped feeling hurt, disappointed, sad, and embarrassed about it sometime yesterday (probably when I started making art and writing yesterday’s post).  My husband kept saying, “no one died and no one is injured”.  And this is extremely true; the problem is that the running is helping me manage the pressure and stress I’ve been under over the last year.  And instead of eating, I have chosen/committed to run.  

So, I finished this collage tonight to remind me of the criticality of being Present.  To be Present can only serve me at every level in my life.  And for that, Saturday’s events were a valuable lesson.  Now I need to find one more ½ marathon for 2009. 

To my family and friends who have written or commented on my Facebook and blog, thanks for all the support.  I am Thankful for all of you.  

All the very best…

I hadn’t trained as hard or consistently as I did for the Seattle Half Marathon in June.  But, some how I just knew I could and should do this race.  I had to keep my commitment to do another Half Marathon this year.  I just had too.  And I had told several folks (which is always a good idea, if you want to keep a promise to yourself.  LOL!!!) 

Last week had been extremely painful.  Between work, dealing with my healthcare provider (it is a complete mess!!!), and hard family events.  So, I had all but thought I needed to just stay home.  But, as I got up on Saturday and did five miles,  I thought I needed to keep my commitment I made in July to keep running and keep focused on staying healthy.  

I kept hearing a paraphrase of a quote from Louise Hay, “Your Thoughts Create Your Future”.  And I believed with every step, I could create my future, I could complete this race.  I never stopped running; I would pick up my water and keep going.  Going all the way to the end wearing No. 282, yes!!!  And people were kind all the way, saying good job No. 282, good job. 

Will I run another half marathon with out training harder?  Absolutely not!  And I hope and plan to do one more in November.  I’ll keep you posted.  See there I go telling people about my goals again…

It has been an uplifting and distressing year.  It has been marked with pain from two car accidents, awe that the USA would actually elect Barack Obama, sorrow for two families that lost their young children, disappointment that I gained almost 30 lbs, awe in watching my little boy compete and place in gymnastics, fear that I would have to endure surgery for my work induced carpal tunnel, reclusion as I worked at shredding the weight and running through the traffic accident’s pain, distress when the minister’s dogs did $1600 of damage to my car and he declined to pay for the repair, pride when my daughter performed in her first school musical, joy when I ran my 20^th Bay to Breakers, Bolder Boulder, and finally my first ½ marathon in six years, distress seeing our dear friend struggle through physical issues that had befallen him, disappointment with those that I truly thought were my friends, thankfulness for my mother, family, and my real friends, and the realization that I must live this life with Intention.  That in a nutshell was my 48^th year.

 And during my 48^th year, I did four pieces in the span of a few weeks.  As I struggled through the year, I came to the realization that I needed to count my blessings.  When I started to do that, I started to realize that all I can do is stay focused on the goal and not get distracted by the obstacles.  I forget that from time to time this lesson.  But at the end of the day, this particular art piece reminds me that I am truly blessed.  It reminds me to do the best I can by living this life with true intention.  As my goal is to get on the bus to heaven, whenever that day comes, I need to focus on making my 49^th year an intentional and good one.

January had an intense start to the New Year!  Work was crazy as well.  And my boy’s gymnastics season kicked off.  It was two meets, with one being at Disney World.  It was an amazing week in Disney World.  My youngest thought it was the coolest thing ever to meet Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Pluto, and many more characters.  And my son took 5^th place (for his age group) overall during the meet.  The great thing is that I can now reflect on these things.  I can reflect on and spend time with my children and know that they are healthy and loved.  But, for the briefest moments on January 4^th, 2009, I thought I would not get to spend another moment with my children.

I left my house at about 11:20 am MST, headed down our dirt road.  I have run that same road for almost 8 years.  I was headed south and had past at least 4 houses.  As I came over the tiny hill near our friend’s house, I could hear gun fire.    I have grown use to hearing gun fire, as we live in the county and shooting on your property is legal and acceptable.  Until that moment, the one thing I have always assumed is that my neighbors (while doing shooting practice) were practicing safe shooting habits. 

At 11:30 am MST, I realized I had been tremendously naïve.  All at once, I heard not one, not two, but three bullets whistle in front of me.  In that split second, I realized I was under fire.  I dropped down on the road in the dirt and started screaming STOP Shooting!!!   STOP Shooting!!!    Please STOP Shooting!!!   At the top of my lungs, I screamed and screamed and screamed.  And the shooting continued.  I could hear bullets ricochet off rocks that were closed to my head.  And all the while I kept screaming STOP Shooting!!!  

Some how I realized it wasn’t going to stop.  So, I got enough wherewithal, found my cell phone, and called home.  The phone just rang and rang.  I knew my husband was there.  But, it just rang and rang.  Finally, he picked up the phone.  And I just started screaming, please come get me.  They are shooting at me.  I was hysterical, there is no doubt. 

He threw our kids in the car and drove out to where I was.  The gun fire finally stopped.  I now suspect it was because they could see our car coming.  I could barely get in the car, because I was so frighten that I could still be shot.  When we got home, all I could do was lay down.  My kids were so worried about me; they didn’t know what to say.  My husband was so mad; he didn’t know what to do with himself.  He asked where the shots were coming from, I told him where I thought they came from. 

He tried to contact the owners, but their number was disconnected.  He called our other neighbors that live two doors north of the house.  One is a police officer here locally.  She called and spoke to the owners and discovered that their children were outside shooting.  The mother had no idea that they were firing at the dirt road. 

When she would subsequently question her son, he indicated that he didn’t know I was out there.  Or that he had fired at me. 

I can tell you now that life is extraordinarily brief.  And we can go outside just worried about our everyday lives and by someone else action, what is most dear to you can be taken from you.  It took me three weeks, before I could run on our dirt road again.  It has taken even more to feel remotely secure about running on our dirt road. 

But, this is the one thing I know.  I have been chased by my neighbors’ dogs, I have just missed stepping on countless rattlesnakes and I have just been missed twice by my neighbors’ speeding down our dirt road.  And I keep running.  And I will keep running!!!  As Americans have a constitutional right to own and carry arms, I too have a right to run on our dirt road.

The low lights of December were that I finally realized/acknowledge that I had gained almost 30 lbs and my tendonitis in my right hand was becoming acutely painful.  I would ultimately rejoin (with commitment Weight Watchers) and file for Workman’s Comp for my hand. 

The highlights of December were the Christmas tree almost fell over about two weeks prior to Christmas Day!  We had to strap it to our stair banister, until we could take the entire tree apart and reset it up.  It was very very funny!!  The tree sat at a 45 degree angle for about 5 days (work was crazy!!!).  :O) 

The next coolest thing was that I decided that I would do 10 charitable things before the end of 2008.  Check out my blog that just preceded this one.

The most coolest thing was how excited the kids were when they came down and discovered Santa had been at the house and ate his cookie and drank his milk.  And then he left them fun toys and boring clothes!!!  It was a good day for them and for us.  December was a mix of highs and lows, but it reminds us of what is truly important.

I call this image the Race to Craziness.  I love it because the canvas was covered in receipts, statistic book pages, music, tickets from everywhere that year, and more trashy novel pages. My goal was to cover the chaos of life and make it beautiful.  The piece is 24×36”. 

I chose it for today’s post because I am recovering from a 3-car accident on 8.6.08 at 6 pm mst.  I had just returned from Santa Fe the day before and still riding high from the events of the previous week.  It was the first rain storm in several weeks.  The kids were in the car and my husband was at work playing in a softball tournament.  I had stopped to pick up take out, because I wanted to work on some new art to ship out to Blessings in Santa Fe, to sale. 

As I said, it was storming.  And the light was red, so we had come to a full stop.  I had looked up to see a mid-size truck approaching from the rear and hoping he would stop.  Jordan was chattering in the back seat and Olivia was completely asleep.  I had decided, due to the weather, we would not be going to see my husband play (at that point, I didn’t know the game had been rained off and they were standing under cover at the field trying to avoid being completely drenched!).

I heard a huge metal crashing sound; I looked up in the rear view mirror to see the truck crashing into the back of our Suburban!   All I could do was stomp on the brakes and not hit the car in front of me!!  Thank God I didn’t!  At impact I could feel, what seemed like heat move through the back of my neck.  I turned around to see Jordan stunned and then breaking out into tears.  Olivia was awake and just quite.  I got on the phone and called the police.  The police and ambulance were there in a matter of minutes.  The man who hit us came up and checked on us.  The next thing I knew the policeman was at the door asking if we were alright.  Then the paramedics were there.  They had to check Jordan first, before I would allow them to check me.  Jordan checked out alright. 

The paramedics started to question me about any pain, what day it was, who I was, what day it was, who was president, had I passed out, and why my shirt had red stains on it.  I didn’t understand the questions about the red stains, but I knew absolutely what was going on.  (I would later work out that the red stains were my blood).

I would leave the scene on a back board with my neck in a brace and in an ambulance.  Jordan road in the front of the ambulance and Olivia was in the back with me.  They thought it was the coolest thing.  Olivia was playing with the blood pressure cuff and making the paramedic turn on the oxygen. 

Once at the PVH ER, my husband arrived and I was whisked off for a CAT scan.  While in the ambulance the paramedic said there was only a 5% chance I could have broken bones in the spinal column and there was a possibility of paralysis.  One minute I am excited about my art possibilities and the next minute, I was worried about whether I would be able to walk or pick up my kids again. 

The CAT scan proved that there were no broken bones, but the doctor indicated that I would most likely hurt and have whiplash.  She was right.

The policeman stopped by and indicated that the individual that hit the truck and pushed it into us was ticketed for excessive speeds during poor weather conditions. 

I have taken the kids to the doctor again, just to make sure they are alright.  And now I am going to the doctor, because I still hurt 11 days later. 

All that had to be replaced on the Suburban was a hitch and bumper!  It did its job protecting us. 

I am recording this story because I want to remember that my life can change in the blink of an eye.  I can do everything right, but accidents will happen.  And I need to remember what is most important in this time on this earth.  Things could have ended devastatingly different.  All the drivers involved were able to “walk away”.   We were blessed…

I got up this morning with an attitude change, a significant attitude change.  Like so many of us, I have a day job.  Though stressful, it is a very cool job.  However, with that said, like so many others, we are going through downsizing, restructuring, and “right-sizing.”  And being a stress eater coupled with the work stresses, I have gained somewhere between 15 to 20 lbs in less than six months.  Hypertension and high cholesterol run in my family.  I am extremely fortunate, due to exercise and proper eating, I have avoided many weight induced maladies that befall my age and culture. 

So, off I went running this morning down our old dirt road.  The photo you see here, I took last month on a run.  The cows for whatever reason came over to the fence to watch me run by.  And I wondered what they were thinking about.  And I realized finally, I knew what I really needed to be thinking about.

I thought about the discussion I had last night at the opening for “Transformation of the Mundane” (see my post from last month for more details), why I have gained this weight, and what is going on at work.  And something just struck me.  I have allowed the stress to take away my joy.  And no one has the right to take away your joy.  And I thought with two small kids, it is time to let go of the list of things that I can’t change and move on.  There is so much to look forward to right now, the last thing I need is to be unhealthy.  So, back to Weight Watchers, running, and exercising to regain control of my health. 

Last year I took this class, I can’t even remember the name.  But, I do remember one key thing.  If you want to do something, you need to make a commitment, not just set a goal.  The teacher said “try, what is try? If you want to do something, you need to commit to it.”  I have committed to my art this year and continuing to make sure my family and friends know I love them.  I am re-committing to being healthy and fit, because this is the only life I will get.  Pray for me….

Yesterday was quite the busy day, with the submission for the emerging artist show and then volunteering to sign up test participants for the Cancer Prevention Study-3 (CPS-3), I am just a touch tired.

I will know on Tuesday if any of my works were accepted into the show.  I am hopeful, but if not, I will be able to apply again either this year or next.

The CPS-3 study was really a very cool chance to give back.  The gist of the event was to sign up study participants for the next round of cancer studies.  The first round was started in 1954 and the second one was started in 1982.  CPS-1 is the study that connected smoking and lung cancer together.  And then CPS-2 connected second hand smoke and lung cancer.  As the population ages out, the American Cancer Society recruits new participants.  You sign up and commit to participate via bi-annual surveys for 20 -30 years.  The American Cancer Society hopes to sign up 500,000 people in CPS-3 across the country.  The sign ups were done in conjunction for the Relay for Life held yesterday and today in Loveland at The Ranch. 

There were a team of us organized by Vicki Bryant to sign up participants.  You could also volunteer yourself to participate.  So, I signed up as well.  They are looking for a diverse population between the ages of 30 -65 years of age to participate.  You can not have been diagnosed with cancer during your life time.  And this year was the first time they took blood samples.    The samples will be studied if you contract cancer.

We signed up over 180 people in a four hour period.  And all of them had reasons for doing it.  Either their wives or husbands or parents or children or aunts or uncles or friends were survivors.  Or people like me that did it, because we felt that it was a way to just give back.  Some of their stories brought me to the verge of tears. 

The image I am sharing today was done after my cousin and dear friend passed away within 2 weeks of each other in October 2004.  My friend lost the battle to colon cancer (she was diagnosed in January and gone by the end of October).  Suffice it to say, I felt determined to be there to volunteer and participate as well.

This topic is sad in some ways, so I thought I would at least record two of the funniest lines I heard yesterday during the sign up process. 

As I was getting the paperwork ready for an older gentleman to give blood, he said that his wife is a survivor.  And they were at the Relay for Life together.  And then he said, “Being a survivor, means today she has spent the entire day just yelling at me.”  I thought what an interesting comment.  But, I just let it go.  Then as I sent him over to the line to get his blood drawn, I indicated he would just need to take a seat.  And before I could finish he said, “Then the vampires will call me over when they are ready.”  I burst out laughing!!!   All in all, it was an uplifting day.